Is it cool to be a feminist nowadays?

It used to be that if you mentioned the word "feminist" then people thought of some butch gay type woman with short hair, flat shoes and a hatred of men.  It was not "cool" to tell people you were a feminist and many jokes were made - mainly be men.

However nowadays I think we need feminism more than ever.  I have been reading a book called Raising Girls about how to parent your daughter into becoming the woman she can be.  The book discusses how a lot of young girls have eating disorders, alcohol and drug problems and are growing up faster than ever.

If you stop to look at the world from a young girl's point of view then you get really conflicting messages.  On the one had you have the schools and parents telling them that they can be anything they want to be - a politician, an architect, an artist, a teacher.

You have the role models of the parents, perhaps mum was a nurse, a secretary - roles traditionally taken on by women.  They feel that they don't have to restrict what career choices they make because they can do anything.

They then hit secondary school and are suddenly bombarded by mixed messages.  The other side is the advertisers.  They know that if they put sugar in alcohol and make it taste nice then girls will drink it.  They know that young girls want to be made to feel good about themselves and so if they have the right clothes, the right figure, the right boyfriend, listen to the right music and wear the right clothes then they will have succeeded at being acceptable.

Girls bully each other much more than boys but worse than that, girls bully themselves.  Even as an adult I struggle with body image problems.  I know intellectually that the models in the magazines are airbrushed or have eating disorders themselves - I know that.  But - I still want to be like them because it is what we are expected to be.

In London you get people from all walks of life, from every corner of the globe and they come in all colours, shapes and sizes.  We don't look at the people on our high street - we only see what the media wants us to see - flawless, perfectly coiffed models with painted on smiles and a perfect man on their arm.  We watch X Factor and the young girls believe that if they can get through an audition that their lives will be complete - they will be adored.

It is a very hard lesson in life to learn to love yourself and not something that is easy.  I do believe that all women should be feminists.  We have enough to deal with in life without turning on each other.  The main problem is that for everything that we can do, we still have to have the babies.  Until we find a way around the childcare problem, nothing will ever be equal for women.

Yes, men talk the talk about being involved with parenting but I know for a fact that most fathers believe that simply keeping the child occupied is childcare.  There is a lot more to it than that, you have to be a role model, a teacher, an environmentalist, a nutritionist, a secretary, a doctor, a therapist, a counselor, a mentor, fitness instructor, cleaner, gardener, chef, personal shopper, art teacher, scientist, moderator, companion and spiritual guide.

This is a lot to fit in if you also have a full time job.  So - who looks after the children?  A lot of parents have full time jobs and so the children go to school and then to a childminder who in turn sends their children to their own parents.  At the end of the chain is usually a grandmother looking after a child for a working mother.  I am not against this, I just think that in today's society we need to spend more time with our children and less time thinking about money.

Does money make a woman happy?  We are lead to believe that if we wear the right perfume we will be sexy.  That perfume maybe costs £50 a bottle.  We feel good when we put it on because we feel like we are conforming to how a beautiful woman should act.

What if we stop wearing perfume.  Would it stop men finding us attractive?  I really don't think so because even if we have the most beautiful face and figure and smell amazing it doesn't make us good people.  I think that r men who only like a woman for how she looks are not worth knowing anyway.  This is a really hard lesson to teach women who think that any male attention is good attention.  It isn't. You are allowed to be as choosy as you want and it doesn't matter what names they might call you - they just aren't worth it.

A lot of women experience depression because they can't "have it all".  The media has decided that women need to be young, beautiful, dressed well, perfect skin and hair, good cooks, great mothers, have a fabulous career and probably spend ages wafting round vintage markets looking for old furniture to restore before retiring to do their lovely garden while wearing designer gloves.  They then smile at their perfectly groomed content husband before popping some gourmet meal in the oven for dinner.  Their perfectly behaved children in new clothes eat everything on their plate before doing their homework and telling their mum how wonderful she is.

I don't how how many hours in the day women are supposed to have but it must be much more than the men who are supposed to work for 8 hours a day, spend a couple of nights in the pub, watch football and spray some deodorant on occasionally in order to attract a woman.

A friend of mine has recently got divorced and she said it was amazing to have weekends back again.  The children were with dad and so she got some "me time".  She had never taken me time before because she was so busy trying to make her life perfect.

I think it is very important to not feel guilty about having "me" time.  If that means spending an hour in the bath or having a weekend away, it's ok.  The quick fixes don't work - the expensive dress will feel good while you wear it then you will feel guilty for buying it then guilty for not wearing it more often.  Little things like going for a walk or listening to your music and dancing around a room.  It might sound trivial but give it a go.

January in London

You can't move in London in December on a night out.  Groups of office workers wearing tinsel, slightly drunk parade around the streets in gangs.  You find people in their best dresses and suits dancing the night away wearing more sparkle than Liberace.

Come January however and everyone suddenly seems to vanish.  I know that there is the new "trend" to use January as a detox or perhaps people are just staying in to save money because they bought too much for people over Christmas.

I personally find that we need to socialise more in January than any other month.  I find that the dark days, nothing to look forward to and the fact that Christmas is in the past makes it kind of depressing.  There are a lot of people who suffer from SAD (seasonally affected disorder) where they find that the grey skies and lack of sun makes them feel depressed.  Although I would not consider myself to be clinically depressed at this time of year, I do find myself feeling down, wondering what life is for and basically just wanting to go out.

Heading into the West End even on a Friday night is a sobering affair.  There are hardly any people there and the people who are out, aren't dressed up for a good night out, they're wearing grey coats and are huddled round a pint of bitter or a cup of coffee.  I have never understood going out to a pub to have a coffee but I suppose if that's your thing then who am I to argue?

I headed to Covent Garden on Tuesday night and I felt like I was in some sort of post apocalyptic scene.  There was no one on the cobbles and a lot of the bars had obviously taken January as an opportunity to refurbish themselves.

I think that January should have some sort of feast to look forward to at the end.  Basically in terms of marketing the next big thing (unless you're Scottish and celebrate Burns Night) is Valentine's Day.  I am not a big fan of Valentine's day as I feel pressured to go out and sit awkwardly at a table with my husband rammed in next to other couples.  We tend to celebrate on the 15th instead because we don't really care that it's not the exact day and it's easier to get a babysitter.

I wonder if New York has the same issues.  It is supposed to be the city that never sleeps but I wonder if even there on a Tuesday night in January, you are hard pushed to find a busy place to hang out after 9pm at night.

London often baffles the tourists who flock to the city centre in search of this amazing city and it's nightlife.  "Where is everyone?" they say.  At home basically.  Watching Midsomer Murders and eating Muesli bars because the TV has told them they must lose weight because it's January.

Maybe London's next venture should be a detox club.  Perhaps somewhere that sells very expensive juices but plays party music and has a large dance floor.  People can get dressed up and dance the night away (burning calories) while sippping on a juice.

I had a similar idea a few years ago about an adult playground and now they have them everywhere.  Obviously I am just ahead of my time - watch this space for the dance / juice bar in your area soon.