What do people think about when they think about Christmas? I bet most people are like me and hanker after the perfect Christmas from years gone by. They never really existed though, we only remember certain parts of them.
Here in London we run around like headless chickens trying to buy headless turkeys that are just perfect. Oh they must be free range and they must be organic and of course if they can't come direct from the farm they must be from Waitrose. Oh how we scoff at those turkey crowns in Iceland. But does it really matter to anyone but us? No of course not.
Christmas lunch is one meal. We have 3 meals a day 365 days a year. This one has to be perfect but it takes weeks to plan, costs us a fortune and takes us stress, swearing and Champagne to cook it. Then we just eat it, wrap the rest up in foil and eat it later with mayonnaise in front of Doctor Who.
I am one of those people who enjoys the anticipation of things much more than the event. Usually. Sometimes the event outshines the planning. Our latest holiday to Florida was one of those such events but they are rare.
So, how would my perfect Christmas go in my ideal world. Well it has to start on Christmas eve.
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It is late in the evening on Christmas eve. I am lying on the floor wrapping the last of the Christmas presents. I carefully wrap the presents in single coloured metallic paper, adding a contrasting ribbon and bow and of course a gift tag stating the gift is from Santa. I have either the Christmas number one's on TV, a blockbuster fun movie such as Pirates of the Caribbean or am listening to the festive music of Dean Martin.
Our tree is festive and brightly lit and I can trace all the years I have been in this house by looking at the decorations on the tree. I can remember where and when I bought each one. I always try and buy something new every year.
Perhaps I will have a glass of wine and a mince pie. The house is warm and my daughter is sleeping silently upstairs or perhaps just pretending and lying awake listening for the sound of sleigh bells and santa. Her stocking sits at the end of her bed expectantly waiting for small parcels to fill it with the obligatory chocolate coins and tangerine.
Late at night, my and my husband creep upstairs and fill her stocking full to the brim and gently lay it down where we found it. We also leave out a nice stocking for the cats. After all it's their Christmas too. I always feel a bit weird about giving the cats gifts but I think it's nice to buy them the special Sheba turkey flavoured cat food.
In the morning, we are woken up by a jumping girl landing on our bed with her stocking. She opens it in the middle of us both, far too early in the morning. The bed is covered in wrapping paper and happiness. My husband takes photos and I don't even mind that I haven't brushed my hair.
We make our way downstairs where she gasps as she sees the presents underneath the tree, shining brightly in the dark of the morning.
We put on the TV to a soundtrack of early morning Christmas cartoons about reindeer who want to be Santa's next reindeer. We start to open the gifts and the room fills with little piles of stuff. If we having Christmas dinner here then I will start to cook.
The smell of a Christmas turkey in the oven is a lovely smell and I always like to have a glass of Champagne at 11am on Christmas day - just because I can and because it helps de stress me for the work ahead.
I am an organised person and I usually like to do as much prep the day before as I can.
The potatoes have to be perfect as does the turkey and usually I forget the sprouts or something but I have learned to keep lists and work out timings in advance so I don't get flustered.
I love my dining table to look amazing. I love candles everywhere as well as festive napkin holders and real napkins as well as the best china to come out for it's annual appointment.
Crackers pulled, hats worn it is time for the meal to begin with lots of handing of bowls across the table and much appreciation for the chef. We drink more wine and bring in the pudding complete with holly and burning brandy. We cheer it and turn off the lights for it. Once we have eaten it (there is always more than you need because most people don't like it) we drink more and clear away.
I stick on the dishwasher for load one and then we start playing games. I love playing games at Christmas. I don't really care what we play as long as we do something. I am happy with charades, Trivial Pursuit, even kids games. I will play anything. Then there is more drink and perhaps returning to the kitchen for cheese and biscuits.
Later on in the evening after people have either been for a healthy walk, sat drinking the rest of the wine an putting the world to rights, watching the festive movie, being virtuous and clearing up or just having a sneaky nap on the sofa we gather again.
This for me is the way that the turkey tastes best. On your lap cold with some nice bread, some mayonnaise and bits and bobs of left over crunchy bacon or cold chipolata sausages dipped in mustard.
We sit and we enjoy this informal dinner, talking about the Queen's speech or how this year's number one is an X factor offering again and was it really better when the Spice Girl's monopolised the chart.
We go to bed, a little tipsy, very happy with more food in the fridge than we know what to do with.
Unfortunately I hate the next bit. You've been so worked up to this one day that on Boxing Day when the TV has nothing but adverts for the sale of the year at DFS or get ready to stop smoking for New Year.
It's gone - it's done but we're still sitting there going - but it's still Christmas! Our tree is still up, the cards are still there and we still have a fridge full of turkey but it feels like the rest of the world has moved on.
I wish it could be more gradual or that we could make Christmas Day last for a few days at least. I don't think bosses would like their staff taking that much time off work though.
This year I will be happy to see the face of my daughter as she opens her presents, happy to see my family enjoy my fabulous roast potatoes and hopefully to persuade some people to play a board game with me. Perhaps I will hold the pudding hostage until they agree - sounds like a plan to me.
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